I Saved A Life Today!

I SAVED A LIFE TODAY!  Well, okay, it wasn't a human life but it was the smallest of little birds, the hummingbird.  While painting a vanity in one of my clients' homes, I heard the soft sound of what seemed like fingers patting against a window.  Rounding the corner, I looked up and saw a hummingbird caught in the skylight in the foyer.

Climbing a ladder, barely being able to reach up, I coaxed the little bird into grasping my index finger.  Slowly and steadily I moved down the ladder with this tiny creature hanging on for its dear life.  As I cleared the skylight dome, it took off and flew right into one of the window panes which caused both my client and I to draw deep breaths of desperation.

As the bird tried to pierce through the glass with its long needle-like beak, the dog began barking, rushing at it and forcing additional panic.  My client held her dog, Starbucks, firmly by the shoulders and I once again coaxed the small little bird onto my finger.  I could feel it's heart beating but it sat still - as if to rest - and we then proceeded to walk outside into the courtyard.

hummingbird in middle of picture

 I realized this little creature wanted to rest and so I stood in the courtyard for what seemed like 5 minutes but was probably a few seconds and allowed the sacredness of what had just occurred to sink in.  As the bird flew away I thought about the concept of not being able to get to where you can see you need to be and not being able to understand what holds you back when it appears nothing is there.  hmmmmm.....something to ponder as I finish out my artful day.

NEW NOW Moments

In March of 2013, my new home came into view and materialized.  A beautiful little apartment in the lower part of a house on an acre of land overlooking Vista out toward the sea.  In April, I began moving my belongings into the new space I now call home.

Over the period of sixty days, I enlisted friends to help me out here and there until everything from my storage locker had been moved in and arranged to turn the empty space into my new sanctuary.  The peace and joy I experience in my home is the comforting energy that allows me to get out into the world of busy and cooperate with on-the-fly people and the demands of that interaction.  Anyone who knows me publicly sees an energetic, usually happy, sometimes grousing, individual.  Anyone who knows me privately sees an introspective, thoughtful, happy and peaceful soul, moving slowly and methodically.

The land I live on is an acre of dry hard dirt that demands major maintenance and continual upkeep if plants and trees are going to survive.  I have done my best to plant a few gardens near my deck and patio area and to plant fruit trees and rose trees/bushes on the property in general.  It's coming along.  My landlord resides in the upper part of the home six months out of the year and so maintaining the property has become my responsibility while he's gone.    He is a kind and interesting man who always needs to be digging a hole in order to be happy.  Which, I believe, is great because it gives this retired dad of two adult daughters something to do 6 months out of the year when he's not visiting them.  And so, it is time for him to return to the property.

It has surprised me, taking something like this on in my life after spending two years traveling for work.  It's time in my life for this change in regard to the aspects of commitment and time management for something outside myself (like gardening and maintaining the land).  It's a welcomed change that is bringing security and enhancing my self confidence at just being and existing quietly with nature.

My business is changing and I find I am working less with decorative painting IN homes/estates/businesses and more creating decorative paintings and fine art.  I'm excited about this change and am affecting the change rather quickly.  Having discovered my interest in sculpting, I'm joining the Foundary in Fallbrook to begin creating work for which I already have buyers.  The loss of a sculpture I had been working on at another studio, my first one, was a devestating blow to my progress as an artist and to my client who wanted to purchase it.  The instructor/owner of the studio, who will remain nameless, destroyed it.  I will not get into the details here, who can get into the head of someone who is so defunct as to commit such an aggressive and devious act such as that?~  The loss of my sculpture was shocking to me.  Ah, I will always remember her; I was sculpting Mathilda of Tuscany.  Adjusting to this loss was quick and positive.  I found a new home to sculpt in (the Foundry) and a new-found freedom with the process and subject matter.  Ahhh, Mathilda, I will remember her always.

I've joined a pool league - 9ball- on Sunday nites.  Happen to be quite good at pool.  And my coach Brian, is such a confident and talented player, it makes the game fun.

I'm learning how to make shifts and changes to accomodate the NEW NOW moments life presents and am happy to be involved and living life with this intention.    Happy to be back!

Happy Holidays

I love Christmas trees!  All the beautiful types of trees and their scents are amazing!  They stand so tall and proud in a house with their trimmings imbuing light to warm us up on chilly nights.  In my hometown, The Twin Cities, snow is a-falling and people are a-shoveling.  Two feet here and a foot there!  Nothing like it!  There is a smell to crisp nights with fresh snow.  It's amazingly magical to crunch crunch through a parking lot with gifts in your hands and love in your heart for those you hold so close.

This will be the second Christmas I've spent without a home.  Last year I was in Indonesia, although I stopped back to see my family for the holiday.  And this year, due to projects out of my current town of San Diego, I packed up my belongings and put them in storage.  Having returned to the area, I'm staying with friends who are hosting me until the next project takes me out of the area.

Stacy and her husband, Adam, are making me feel welcomed with their hospitality and the comfort of their beautiful home.  How wonderful to be able to come in after working at CCA (faux painting their offices) at Palomar Airport and seeing Stacy's decorated tree!  It just warms the heart.

Today is 12/12/12....and my nieces 21st birthday.  Yay, Lauren!   I love that her birthday is so near Christmas.  It just makes this time of year so very special.  She's special.  Intelligent and beautiful, my dear one.  I watched her come into the world and wondered what she would become as she grew....so far I am impressed!  Keep up the good work, little one!  Ha!  She towers over me by about a foot!

My nephew Brant is graduating with a Business Degree this weekend and this also makes me so proud.  As well, another nephew, Brad,  has also graduated with his degree.  I am such a proud auntie!

Okay, so I started this post out with the word Happy!  Now you know why I'm happy.  I stand just as proud as the decorated trees I see!  This season, although I'm not at home with family, I am fortunate enough to be with my friends.  How cool is that?!?  Merry Christmas everyone!

Ooohhhh!  I smell cookies baking....gotta run!

Being labeled

Don't worry little lambs, all is as it should be.

Have you ever been judged or labeled by someone you don't know and told about it?  Recently I experienced this and was taken aback for a moment, well a month.

I was staying at a friends house and from that moment on everything I did was being judged by all in the househol and myself.  Didn't matter, I was living down to the description and there was nothing I could do...it just kept getting worse.  By the time I left, I was convinced this was me.  And no longer were my actions seen as kind and confident, understanding and compassionate...they were all being scrutinized under the microscopic lens of "passive-aggressiveness."

The secret is to love, no matter what.

This started me to think about how we do this to each other, in families, communities, cities, countries, etc.  How, from the moment we are born until the moment we die, we are being labeled....

Quickly analyze.  Judge.  Push into a box. Label.  Done.  Next!

Why do we do this?  Does it make living with each other easier?  Or does it make it safer?  Are we really helping when we tell each other what we think of them?  I was raised to keep opinions to myself and to not ask questions that are private.  I was raised to not share advice unless it is invited.  I was raised to accept others as they are and to not try to change someone to be more like me, but to try and adapt to the situation...which takes time and effort.  Is that it?  Do we just not have the time nor the effort to be polite any more?  We are exposed to more people in one day than our ancestors were in a month.  Is it easier to just offend those around you so you don't have to deal with them?  A sort of protective behavior?    I don't know.

My friend Andy and me at Halloween.

With every mile I drove back from Monterey to San Diego, I released a little more of that label and by the time I got home, I was back to being myself.  Perhaps a little more self-aware, but still compassionate, patient and kind.  I do wonder, however, if this little query I've just expressed is considered passive-aggressive.  And so this is how censorship starts, isn't it?   Shake it loose, Frenchie!  Shake it loose.




I think Hanes has it right, HERE'S TO BEING LABEL FREE!

talk in the coffee shop

I'm sitting in a small cafe in Monterey, enjoying a cup of coffee (with almond milk) and listening to the patrons.  I've been working in Monterey for the Mucky Duck for a couple of weeks now.  Doing a slew of murals on their patio walls.  It has been fun and the family that owns and runs The Duck are amazing hosts!  They have made sure I am taken well care of and have been 100% upstanding clients.  We have had fun and they know how to use an artist to create the ambiance they desire.  I love my job!

Back to the coffee shop.  Lots of buzz here. Opinions are moving through the air...everything from the radical right to the conservative left is being expressed here.  Just like our world right now.  However, in the coffee shop, the patrons know how to have a discussion and how to express their thoughts.  There are no real platforms being expressed en finitem, no force, even though there may be a difference of opinion.  There are just true discussions occurring here.  I desire this to be the truth for my world...I want my world to take care of itself and to stop all this fighting.

Of course, the discussions for today have touched on the unrest around the world, slander and the United States.  It is heartbreaking to see on the news or read in the papers that there is such hatred expressed against my country.  To hear such hatred.  To know this level of hatred exists.  And to have experienced mild forms of it while abroad.   I just want to give our world a hug and say, "It will be okay, we only have each other.  Let's celebrate tolerance and acceptance.  Let's embrace each other for our differences, and do it with kindness and love."

This is the mothering side of me.  I see these horrible acts we commit against each other and wonder if we are children acting out against our "parent," the authority figure.  There is something to be said about this.  However, the consequences of our actions have to do with the loss of life, the embracing of anger and hatred...our agression and ignorance supports that which is not positive and life giving/affirming but that which denies light to exist so that life can come forward.  However, unlike a child, we have no corner to go to for a "time out" so that we can consider the consequences of our actions.  Every reaction is at the cost of life.

But what does one do when they are being bullied?  When dark clouds persist and storms rage?  Do we hunker down and wait for it to pass, much like we do with bad weather?  Or, do we hold our position and try to evoke change?  Is our desire for peace and the respect of the individual worth the loss of life?  Innocent lives are taken in the name of God, justice, peace, violence and hatred.  Haven't we learned our lessons yet, children?  Force and violence are not the answer.  Running away is not the answer either.

So what is the answer?  I ponder this with my heart and there is one resounding question that keeps coming forward and so I will leave these thoughts I have shared with you, wrapped up with this final question for all the factions of our world:

"Why does everyone have to be like you?"

Looking Back

©StudioDeeba 2012

I am sitting in bed, relaxed and day-dreaming about my final days in Jakarta, Indonesia...I remember my assistant was turning on and off a water faucet (the angel). I asked him what he was doing and he said he didn't have running water and most definitely not one as beautiful as this. He told me that his village has a communal water well and bathroom.  I wish this young man has a chance to see the rest of the world and experience as many water faucets as possible. Then again, maybe he finds peace and beauty in not having them...Maybe I am projecting my reality onto his and that is, well, not my intention.


And so these are the types of thoughts I have as I remember moments in Indonesia. Thinking about my final few days I wonder how I did it....

I miss the painters!
©StudioDeeba 2012

It was the weekend after I was scheduled to return to America and I was still working in Indonesia. I could hardly think while working and was going to have lunch with two colleagues. You see I had an infection in my lungs and had caught a fever that was raging through my system. But in Indonesia, everyone works until they just can't and I had an objective: To leave the country. I had been gone for over six months and was  now doubtful I would ever leave. My departure was delayed for several reasons and being ill was the most important one. I had to get better before I spent the grueling 24 hours of traveling to get back to my homeland.

Lunch Time!  ©StudioDeeba 2012

We went to a mall and each picked up the meal of their choice, met back at a table and sat down. These two women had become my friends and at times my adversaries. We were working under stressful conditions driven by the needs of one person we all had in common, the home owner. Through the thick and thin of it, however, we remained friends.

Fi Fang teaching me how
to eat the Indonesian Way!
©StudioDeeba 2012

One thing I've learned about Asia which doesn't seem so prevalent in America is the subtleness of a hidden agenda. It's an art here. And the more skilled one is with the art of deception, the more difficult it is to get to truth on any matter. I'm so used to being an upfront, giving and honest person that to exist in a world of smoke and mirrors is actually stressful for me. What we see as honorable in America is seen as a weakness in Asia. I'm talking about business, of course. And I recognize that this is a general statement, however very applicable in my experiences.

The Best Baristas!  ©StudioDeeba 2012

Negotiations were heavy...these girls really tried to pressure me to stay.  But having gained a new understanding (give an inch and a mile is taken), I held fast to leaving the country and within a few days I was on my way home, working up until an hour and half before departure. If I would have given in to stay even a few days more it would have wound up being weeks.  Once I got to America, I was screened by security because I was so ill. It took awhile but I got through and my friend Amanda was waiting outside the doors of LAX's International Airport.  I had made it home.  It took several weeks for me to recover but now I am completely healthy. Yay! :)

Coming home - me on the plane
©StudioDeeba 2012

Dinner with Friends
©StudioDeeba 2012

Indah! ©StudioDeeba 2012

I had stopped writing for quite some time because I had been warned by a colleague that I was very brave to put my feelings and thoughts in writing. That many people who do this would go "missing in the jungles." I didn't think much about what he said (believing it to be sensational) until I was reading the paper one morning while my driver took me to the project and learned that a young man had been arrested for publishing he religious beliefs on Facebook. And, I had been rushed at a cash machine as well, so this was enough for me. I stopped writing. Unable to sort out my feelings and thoughts and actually being afraid to express them. I had not realized just how wonderful the Freedom of Speech is that we have in America.

Peace! Iden and Ibu Deeba
©StudioDeeba 2012

©StudioDeeba 2012

©StudioDeeba 2012

©StudioDeeba 2012

I am a different person because of this experience. I am more centered and more confident in my business practice and at the same time realize my fortune. The friends and family I have here in my country are amazing. The friends I have made in Indonesia like Riko and Tony, Maria and Fi Fang are memorable. Riko reached out to me and gave me assistance when I thought I was going to go crazy from not having anyone to relate to. He took me places and helped me to experience Puncak and other sites within Jakarta. I shall never forget his incredible kindness and generosity. We had fun experimenting and creating new techniques in his shop. My assistant, Iden, helped me and embraced my energy and experience, learning as much as he could. I will never forget this young man and his kind heart....Maria and Fi Fang were patient and helpful, and were just there when I needed to get out and eat, shop or talk. :) And my driver Ghofir helped me to feel safe each day as he chauffeured me here and there around the city.  Both Iden and Ghofir helped me to learn Javanese and I helped them with their English.  It was fun.  :)

I wish them all well and hope that they experience great love, friendship and success in their lives as they make their way in the land of The Javanese. :)

©StudioDeeba 2012

©StudioDeeba 2012

My hope for Indonesia runs deep. I cannot put into words all I feel.  This is a country that can move in the direction of positive light and success as its Indigenous peoples experience their Independence to its fullest potential. There is so much opportunity if one just looks for it and applies themselves. What I love about the people is their ability to persevere and retain their nationality in the face of change. There is much going on in this country and it is my hope that it matures as a land of opportunity for change, maintaining an attitude of open hearts and universal acceptance of all peoples, for and by all peoples.

Gratitude ©StudioDeeba 2012

I am hopeful for this.
I miss my new friends.
I am happy to be home.
I am grateful for my fortune and the love I experience every day.
I know my spirit is greater because of this experience.



I hope that I helped to bring happiness to those who gave it to me while in Indonesia.

©2012 Studio Deeba painted for Iden

Pit-Pat-This & That

The underpainting (flat) of my mural
©2012 Studio Deeba

Painting in a stairwell can be quite stifling.  Holding a paint brush can be difficult when your fingers are sweating.  Deciding to take a break, I move to the window around the corner to cool down and feel drops of rain hit my cheeks.  Pit-pat-pit, the daily showers begin and I am grateful for the break from the heat.  The relief will be temporary and the heat will return, but for just a moment, I literally feel the sweat  evaporate from my skin; my body's built-in air conditioner.  Ahhhh....

It's raining fast and hard now, the sound is loud and steady.  A mosquito buzzes near the window panes as I close the window.  My cankles are so swollen and scarred from these bothersome little buggers.  I am a feast for them...It doesn't matter how much Vitamin B I take, they still want to suck my blood.  ugh.

I look out over the rooftops toward the buildings on Surdiman and am interrupted by two young men who ask to have their picture taken with me in front of the mural.  It's nice to have such admirers.  For these guys, seeing someone who is from another country is a treat.  It could be possible that their entire lives will be spent on the Islands of Indonesia.  This is new and different....memorable.  An ex-pat, artist, woman on a construction site at an estate!  Wow!  "Of course we'll do a little photo-shoot." I said.   We laugh, because they had no idea what I had just said, but we pose anyway.

Mock-up drawing of a sheep for mural
©2012 StudioDeeba

After snapshots and laughter subside, I turn to pick up my brush and look toward the mural.  I am amazed at how my paintings always come together in the end.  It is said that Art exposes the psyche, not only that of the artist but also the psyche of the viewer who experiences the art.  The comments I hear are quite interesting:  An architect asks if I am going to put a shepherd into the meadow where sheep are grazing - comfort for structure and predictability; A secretary says rather anxiously, "just make it look 3-D" - fearful of the process; Another contractor asks if it's finished yet (as if unable to tell) - project management - just wants it done; and so it goes.

Through the entire experience of creating this scene and managing the questions, I am working with my imagination, managing my ego and working on the technical aspects of the painting.  Each one I create just steps up my game by leaps and bounds.  It's an amazing process of dealing with fear, anxiety, creativity, inspiration and ability.  It's incredible.  Oh, did I mention that this is all done under the sounds of construction, the pressure of perfectionism that floats through the asian air and constraints of time while on scaffolding over a stairwell?   Ha!

Trompe L'oeil Mural by Paul Strong ©2012

As the rain stops and I open the windows I think, ahhhh, it can't get any better than this.  I must say, I was delighted to be able to contribute a piece of artwork to this palatial estate.  a colleague of mine, Paul Strong, is contributing most of the artwork.  And rightfully so as he is a Master.  His work is done in a way where it softly commands the space and beautifies that which is around it.

this is my mural - in process
- one more day and it will be finished
 - the lights are flooding the image
 - construction will figure this out.  :)
©StudioDeeba 2012

My work is a bit more emotional and so it is in the perfect space, over a stairway in the function hall.  The perfect place for an emotional piece of work.

I am so happy right now, I don't even mind the mosquitos dining on my ankles.