Happy Holidays

I love Christmas trees!  All the beautiful types of trees and their scents are amazing!  They stand so tall and proud in a house with their trimmings imbuing light to warm us up on chilly nights.  In my hometown, The Twin Cities, snow is a-falling and people are a-shoveling.  Two feet here and a foot there!  Nothing like it!  There is a smell to crisp nights with fresh snow.  It's amazingly magical to crunch crunch through a parking lot with gifts in your hands and love in your heart for those you hold so close.

This will be the second Christmas I've spent without a home.  Last year I was in Indonesia, although I stopped back to see my family for the holiday.  And this year, due to projects out of my current town of San Diego, I packed up my belongings and put them in storage.  Having returned to the area, I'm staying with friends who are hosting me until the next project takes me out of the area.

Stacy and her husband, Adam, are making me feel welcomed with their hospitality and the comfort of their beautiful home.  How wonderful to be able to come in after working at CCA (faux painting their offices) at Palomar Airport and seeing Stacy's decorated tree!  It just warms the heart.

Today is 12/12/12....and my nieces 21st birthday.  Yay, Lauren!   I love that her birthday is so near Christmas.  It just makes this time of year so very special.  She's special.  Intelligent and beautiful, my dear one.  I watched her come into the world and wondered what she would become as she grew....so far I am impressed!  Keep up the good work, little one!  Ha!  She towers over me by about a foot!

My nephew Brant is graduating with a Business Degree this weekend and this also makes me so proud.  As well, another nephew, Brad,  has also graduated with his degree.  I am such a proud auntie!

Okay, so I started this post out with the word Happy!  Now you know why I'm happy.  I stand just as proud as the decorated trees I see!  This season, although I'm not at home with family, I am fortunate enough to be with my friends.  How cool is that?!?  Merry Christmas everyone!

Ooohhhh!  I smell cookies baking....gotta run!

Being labeled

Don't worry little lambs, all is as it should be.

Have you ever been judged or labeled by someone you don't know and told about it?  Recently I experienced this and was taken aback for a moment, well a month.

I was staying at a friends house and from that moment on everything I did was being judged by all in the househol and myself.  Didn't matter, I was living down to the description and there was nothing I could do...it just kept getting worse.  By the time I left, I was convinced this was me.  And no longer were my actions seen as kind and confident, understanding and compassionate...they were all being scrutinized under the microscopic lens of "passive-aggressiveness."

The secret is to love, no matter what.

This started me to think about how we do this to each other, in families, communities, cities, countries, etc.  How, from the moment we are born until the moment we die, we are being labeled....

Quickly analyze.  Judge.  Push into a box. Label.  Done.  Next!

Why do we do this?  Does it make living with each other easier?  Or does it make it safer?  Are we really helping when we tell each other what we think of them?  I was raised to keep opinions to myself and to not ask questions that are private.  I was raised to not share advice unless it is invited.  I was raised to accept others as they are and to not try to change someone to be more like me, but to try and adapt to the situation...which takes time and effort.  Is that it?  Do we just not have the time nor the effort to be polite any more?  We are exposed to more people in one day than our ancestors were in a month.  Is it easier to just offend those around you so you don't have to deal with them?  A sort of protective behavior?    I don't know.

My friend Andy and me at Halloween.

With every mile I drove back from Monterey to San Diego, I released a little more of that label and by the time I got home, I was back to being myself.  Perhaps a little more self-aware, but still compassionate, patient and kind.  I do wonder, however, if this little query I've just expressed is considered passive-aggressive.  And so this is how censorship starts, isn't it?   Shake it loose, Frenchie!  Shake it loose.




I think Hanes has it right, HERE'S TO BEING LABEL FREE!

talk in the coffee shop

I'm sitting in a small cafe in Monterey, enjoying a cup of coffee (with almond milk) and listening to the patrons.  I've been working in Monterey for the Mucky Duck for a couple of weeks now.  Doing a slew of murals on their patio walls.  It has been fun and the family that owns and runs The Duck are amazing hosts!  They have made sure I am taken well care of and have been 100% upstanding clients.  We have had fun and they know how to use an artist to create the ambiance they desire.  I love my job!

Back to the coffee shop.  Lots of buzz here. Opinions are moving through the air...everything from the radical right to the conservative left is being expressed here.  Just like our world right now.  However, in the coffee shop, the patrons know how to have a discussion and how to express their thoughts.  There are no real platforms being expressed en finitem, no force, even though there may be a difference of opinion.  There are just true discussions occurring here.  I desire this to be the truth for my world...I want my world to take care of itself and to stop all this fighting.

Of course, the discussions for today have touched on the unrest around the world, slander and the United States.  It is heartbreaking to see on the news or read in the papers that there is such hatred expressed against my country.  To hear such hatred.  To know this level of hatred exists.  And to have experienced mild forms of it while abroad.   I just want to give our world a hug and say, "It will be okay, we only have each other.  Let's celebrate tolerance and acceptance.  Let's embrace each other for our differences, and do it with kindness and love."

This is the mothering side of me.  I see these horrible acts we commit against each other and wonder if we are children acting out against our "parent," the authority figure.  There is something to be said about this.  However, the consequences of our actions have to do with the loss of life, the embracing of anger and hatred...our agression and ignorance supports that which is not positive and life giving/affirming but that which denies light to exist so that life can come forward.  However, unlike a child, we have no corner to go to for a "time out" so that we can consider the consequences of our actions.  Every reaction is at the cost of life.

But what does one do when they are being bullied?  When dark clouds persist and storms rage?  Do we hunker down and wait for it to pass, much like we do with bad weather?  Or, do we hold our position and try to evoke change?  Is our desire for peace and the respect of the individual worth the loss of life?  Innocent lives are taken in the name of God, justice, peace, violence and hatred.  Haven't we learned our lessons yet, children?  Force and violence are not the answer.  Running away is not the answer either.

So what is the answer?  I ponder this with my heart and there is one resounding question that keeps coming forward and so I will leave these thoughts I have shared with you, wrapped up with this final question for all the factions of our world:

"Why does everyone have to be like you?"

Looking Back

©StudioDeeba 2012

I am sitting in bed, relaxed and day-dreaming about my final days in Jakarta, Indonesia...I remember my assistant was turning on and off a water faucet (the angel). I asked him what he was doing and he said he didn't have running water and most definitely not one as beautiful as this. He told me that his village has a communal water well and bathroom.  I wish this young man has a chance to see the rest of the world and experience as many water faucets as possible. Then again, maybe he finds peace and beauty in not having them...Maybe I am projecting my reality onto his and that is, well, not my intention.


And so these are the types of thoughts I have as I remember moments in Indonesia. Thinking about my final few days I wonder how I did it....

I miss the painters!
©StudioDeeba 2012

It was the weekend after I was scheduled to return to America and I was still working in Indonesia. I could hardly think while working and was going to have lunch with two colleagues. You see I had an infection in my lungs and had caught a fever that was raging through my system. But in Indonesia, everyone works until they just can't and I had an objective: To leave the country. I had been gone for over six months and was  now doubtful I would ever leave. My departure was delayed for several reasons and being ill was the most important one. I had to get better before I spent the grueling 24 hours of traveling to get back to my homeland.

Lunch Time!  ©StudioDeeba 2012

We went to a mall and each picked up the meal of their choice, met back at a table and sat down. These two women had become my friends and at times my adversaries. We were working under stressful conditions driven by the needs of one person we all had in common, the home owner. Through the thick and thin of it, however, we remained friends.

Fi Fang teaching me how
to eat the Indonesian Way!
©StudioDeeba 2012

One thing I've learned about Asia which doesn't seem so prevalent in America is the subtleness of a hidden agenda. It's an art here. And the more skilled one is with the art of deception, the more difficult it is to get to truth on any matter. I'm so used to being an upfront, giving and honest person that to exist in a world of smoke and mirrors is actually stressful for me. What we see as honorable in America is seen as a weakness in Asia. I'm talking about business, of course. And I recognize that this is a general statement, however very applicable in my experiences.

The Best Baristas!  ©StudioDeeba 2012

Negotiations were heavy...these girls really tried to pressure me to stay.  But having gained a new understanding (give an inch and a mile is taken), I held fast to leaving the country and within a few days I was on my way home, working up until an hour and half before departure. If I would have given in to stay even a few days more it would have wound up being weeks.  Once I got to America, I was screened by security because I was so ill. It took awhile but I got through and my friend Amanda was waiting outside the doors of LAX's International Airport.  I had made it home.  It took several weeks for me to recover but now I am completely healthy. Yay! :)

Coming home - me on the plane
©StudioDeeba 2012

Dinner with Friends
©StudioDeeba 2012

Indah! ©StudioDeeba 2012

I had stopped writing for quite some time because I had been warned by a colleague that I was very brave to put my feelings and thoughts in writing. That many people who do this would go "missing in the jungles." I didn't think much about what he said (believing it to be sensational) until I was reading the paper one morning while my driver took me to the project and learned that a young man had been arrested for publishing he religious beliefs on Facebook. And, I had been rushed at a cash machine as well, so this was enough for me. I stopped writing. Unable to sort out my feelings and thoughts and actually being afraid to express them. I had not realized just how wonderful the Freedom of Speech is that we have in America.

Peace! Iden and Ibu Deeba
©StudioDeeba 2012

©StudioDeeba 2012

©StudioDeeba 2012

©StudioDeeba 2012

I am a different person because of this experience. I am more centered and more confident in my business practice and at the same time realize my fortune. The friends and family I have here in my country are amazing. The friends I have made in Indonesia like Riko and Tony, Maria and Fi Fang are memorable. Riko reached out to me and gave me assistance when I thought I was going to go crazy from not having anyone to relate to. He took me places and helped me to experience Puncak and other sites within Jakarta. I shall never forget his incredible kindness and generosity. We had fun experimenting and creating new techniques in his shop. My assistant, Iden, helped me and embraced my energy and experience, learning as much as he could. I will never forget this young man and his kind heart....Maria and Fi Fang were patient and helpful, and were just there when I needed to get out and eat, shop or talk. :) And my driver Ghofir helped me to feel safe each day as he chauffeured me here and there around the city.  Both Iden and Ghofir helped me to learn Javanese and I helped them with their English.  It was fun.  :)

I wish them all well and hope that they experience great love, friendship and success in their lives as they make their way in the land of The Javanese. :)

©StudioDeeba 2012

©StudioDeeba 2012

My hope for Indonesia runs deep. I cannot put into words all I feel.  This is a country that can move in the direction of positive light and success as its Indigenous peoples experience their Independence to its fullest potential. There is so much opportunity if one just looks for it and applies themselves. What I love about the people is their ability to persevere and retain their nationality in the face of change. There is much going on in this country and it is my hope that it matures as a land of opportunity for change, maintaining an attitude of open hearts and universal acceptance of all peoples, for and by all peoples.

Gratitude ©StudioDeeba 2012

I am hopeful for this.
I miss my new friends.
I am happy to be home.
I am grateful for my fortune and the love I experience every day.
I know my spirit is greater because of this experience.



I hope that I helped to bring happiness to those who gave it to me while in Indonesia.

©2012 Studio Deeba painted for Iden

Pit-Pat-This & That

The underpainting (flat) of my mural
©2012 Studio Deeba

Painting in a stairwell can be quite stifling.  Holding a paint brush can be difficult when your fingers are sweating.  Deciding to take a break, I move to the window around the corner to cool down and feel drops of rain hit my cheeks.  Pit-pat-pit, the daily showers begin and I am grateful for the break from the heat.  The relief will be temporary and the heat will return, but for just a moment, I literally feel the sweat  evaporate from my skin; my body's built-in air conditioner.  Ahhhh....

It's raining fast and hard now, the sound is loud and steady.  A mosquito buzzes near the window panes as I close the window.  My cankles are so swollen and scarred from these bothersome little buggers.  I am a feast for them...It doesn't matter how much Vitamin B I take, they still want to suck my blood.  ugh.

I look out over the rooftops toward the buildings on Surdiman and am interrupted by two young men who ask to have their picture taken with me in front of the mural.  It's nice to have such admirers.  For these guys, seeing someone who is from another country is a treat.  It could be possible that their entire lives will be spent on the Islands of Indonesia.  This is new and different....memorable.  An ex-pat, artist, woman on a construction site at an estate!  Wow!  "Of course we'll do a little photo-shoot." I said.   We laugh, because they had no idea what I had just said, but we pose anyway.

Mock-up drawing of a sheep for mural
©2012 StudioDeeba

After snapshots and laughter subside, I turn to pick up my brush and look toward the mural.  I am amazed at how my paintings always come together in the end.  It is said that Art exposes the psyche, not only that of the artist but also the psyche of the viewer who experiences the art.  The comments I hear are quite interesting:  An architect asks if I am going to put a shepherd into the meadow where sheep are grazing - comfort for structure and predictability; A secretary says rather anxiously, "just make it look 3-D" - fearful of the process; Another contractor asks if it's finished yet (as if unable to tell) - project management - just wants it done; and so it goes.

Through the entire experience of creating this scene and managing the questions, I am working with my imagination, managing my ego and working on the technical aspects of the painting.  Each one I create just steps up my game by leaps and bounds.  It's an amazing process of dealing with fear, anxiety, creativity, inspiration and ability.  It's incredible.  Oh, did I mention that this is all done under the sounds of construction, the pressure of perfectionism that floats through the asian air and constraints of time while on scaffolding over a stairwell?   Ha!

Trompe L'oeil Mural by Paul Strong ©2012

As the rain stops and I open the windows I think, ahhhh, it can't get any better than this.  I must say, I was delighted to be able to contribute a piece of artwork to this palatial estate.  a colleague of mine, Paul Strong, is contributing most of the artwork.  And rightfully so as he is a Master.  His work is done in a way where it softly commands the space and beautifies that which is around it.

this is my mural - in process
- one more day and it will be finished
 - the lights are flooding the image
 - construction will figure this out.  :)
©StudioDeeba 2012

My work is a bit more emotional and so it is in the perfect space, over a stairway in the function hall.  The perfect place for an emotional piece of work.

I am so happy right now, I don't even mind the mosquitos dining on my ankles.

Rainy Days, Rainy Nights

©StudioDeeba

Crrack!  Rumble, rumble.  I snuggle under the covers a little more and tuck my pillow a little tighter under my head.  With all my drapes open in my hotel room, I have a 180 degree view of Jakarta.  Indah!  All the pretty lights of down town softened by rain and heightened into an eerie state of electric beauty when the lightening strikes.

It's that time of year when the monsoons grace the shores of Indonesia.  It rains at least once or twice a day, sometimes more, for several months.  It cleans the air and eases the daily onslaught of mosquitos that greet me each morning on the project.  You know the rain is going to start when the sunlight dims, the winds pick up and the air is electrified.  It is the coolest feeling to see the hair on your arms raise when the lightening begins to strike.  :)

©StudioDeeba

I think Indonesia is stifling and hot and the monsoons really cool things down.  Of course, I'm a girl from the Northern Tundra in the United States where temperatures can go as low as -50 degrees fahrenheit.  

©StudioDeeba

The Archipelago of Indonesia is cut in half by the equator and this tends to attract the monsoons.  Rivers swell, homes are demolished and streets flood.  Every estate or large home has a drainage ditch around its walls and the city of Jakarta just installed better drainage along the avenue of Surdiman; all essential in managing the short but heavy storms.

Snuggling in
©StudioDeeba

I like the weather when it is happening.  Having grown up in Minnesota, I guess you could say I am a bad weather junky.  whenever there is a sever storm (and there's a lot of it), people band together and help each other.  There are services providing staples for "shut-ins" or the elderly, who cannot get to a grocer, guys helping girls get their cars out of snowbanks and kids earning extra money by shoveling snow for their neighbors.  It's great to have the feeling of safety within your home while mother nature rages outside.  Be it a snow storm, sleet, wind or rain, for me, it's a time to curl up with a good book, hot cup of tea or a glass of wine and a movie.

If you are interested in the weather of Indonesia, I recommend you go to this website for more. .Indonesian Weather I'm not sure why they say Indonesia is not hot.  I've been here almost 6 months and I know there have been plenty of days where the temp was above 100 degrees Fahrenheit.

Well, I think it's time to make some tea and watch a movie.  :)  ahhhhhhh....now, if I just had a handsome man (like George Clooney) to snuggle with, life would be perrrrrrfect.  :)

"Surrender!"

my first chalk painting©StudioDeeba 

During the holiday I took a flight from Jakarta to Taipei as the first lag in my journey to see family in Minneapolis.  Finding my seat, I was greeted by a happy, friendly face looking up at me.  Immediately, she understood that I was to sit next to her and got up to make room for me to squeeze by.  Getting comfortable for the long flight, we introduced ourselves and settled in, "Hi!  My name is Deeba."  :)

"Oh, hi, I'm Fanny."  And so began our discussion.  The time flew (ha!).  I learned that Fanny was studying for her doctorate in Family Medicine (forgive me Fanny if I'm not phrasing this correctly) and had just spent several months in a remote community helping the sick heal.  This is part of the requirement for her degree.

What an interesting and accomplished woman.  We compared the practice of medicine in the U.S. to Asia; my information coming from a patient's point of view and hers from both patient and Doctor.  We were discussing the challenges for doctors who wish to practice in countries other than the one where they obtained their degree when over the speaker we heard the pilot announce a delay due to weather in Taipei.

"Earth Goddess" ©StudioDeeba

Ugh.  :)  I was expressing concern because my flight from Taipei to LAX was tightly scheduled.  Come to find out Fanny was taking the same flight.  We started to laugh when I said, "Well, I guess it's out of my control."

"Yeah," said Fanny (who is incredibly funny) "We're in the system now."

"In America, we call it releasing and letting go."

"Ha!  In Asia, we call it Surrendering, not releasing!"  We both started to laugh so hard, it eased the tension of the hustle and bustle we were about to experience in getting to the next gate and ready for a 14 1/2 hour flight.

"Bad Hair Day"©StudioDeeba 2001 

Little did I know how I was going to understand the true meaning behind her words.  The last month has been one of "surrender" for me:  Fighting the day-to-day struggles of being creative-on-demand; competing for bids, and nightly negotiations with servers for true vegetarian dinners.

Even the last 48 hours have been hugely plagued with my consistent and constant surrender:  Paying for a cut and color (hair) that turned into a fried mass of orange, burgundy and black hair, to the loss of a debit-card (my fault).  And!  I have a cranky disposition due to challenge after challenge in coping with these issues.

Now here's the good news, I had help.  From the Concierge at my hotel who helped me with the hair fiasco, to my friend Kathy, the good people at my bank (Chase) and my mother who assisted with my lost debit card; I had help.  And, to my client's assistant and my friend, Fi Fang, I was not a helpless victim: I wasn't alone.  They all helped me to feel more in control when things weren't.  And for this I am so grateful.

©StudioDeeba

Toward the end of this morning I really did detach and just went through the challenges with as little anxiety as I could...I was upset at the circumstances and myself.   I mean, come on people! I'm menopausal - that means there is no "pause" button between my feelings of frustration/irritation and my actions/words.  Anyone who has gone through this (male or female) can totally relate.  !!!!   Surrendering is the last thing on our minds!  :)  (ha!)

Being in Asia is softening my rough and stubborn edges, making me more patient (detached) during the experiences that shock and surprise me from time-to-time.

I saw Fanny as we quickly moved through Customs at LAX and took note.  There wasn't enough time to say a proper goodbye, but I'm wishing her all the best in her efforts to help the villagers in remote Indonesia be healthy and strong and to live life well... :)

Surrender: (suh-ren-der) 
(v.) To yield to the power or control of another
(v.) To give oneself up
(n.) Surrendering 

I Will Miss My Friends in Jakarta

Enjoying a night out at the mall

As my time in Jakarta draws to an end, I think of all the people I have met who have welcomed me with open arms and smiling hearts.  I can't help but get a little melancholy.  I have spent half a year here and have made friends with quite a few people.  It's easy to do in Jakarta.  The people are kind and friendly.

Friendly colleagues

The professionals I have met on this project have made an impression on me;  their desire for a successful project has reminded me of when I was in corporate and how the pressures and the timelines were constantly in the background of the daily grind.   (I'm not saying I still don't experience that pressure as well, but it's different for me as an artist compared to when I was a stock trader or a Project Manager in Marketing.)  I see the challenges this team faces and it amazes me that they can keep the project moving forward.   They handle the pressures with grace and a desire to do what is right and in the end, they have produced a beautiful estate for their client.  Projects like this are always difficult because they go on for a long time and sometimes you just don't see a light at the end of the tunnel, especially when there are so many changes and so many people/contractors involved.

Always time for a photo!

I walk through the mansion and look into the faces of young people who are putting food on the table for their families while providing beauty for their patron and I think of how I will miss them.  The bright joy and the hard work.

Even my competitors are friendly!  Nomura has been kind with advice and Riko has become a good friend.  Wow!  We all know that this isn't about someone taking work from another; its' about working together to deliver the best product possible.  And if today, our client feels like hiring Riko for this, or Deeba for that, well, we are all cool with it.  We are professionals...good people.

Has there ever been a moment when you take a "mental snap shot?"  A time that you will remember for the rest of your life?  I have had these moments and they usually mark change for me.  Today, I was walking across the Grand Hall and heard all the activity from the creaking of the scaffolding (two stories high) where Paul Strong was painting another one of his masterpieces, to the sound of men in a room down the hall yelling and laughing (I have no idea what they were saying!) while installing wood paneling.  Approaching my apprentice, Iden, painting out another niche that I am to repaint (changes, changes, changes), I thought, Remember this moment, it is a part of you now.  After all, aren't we a compilation of the experiences we've had in our lives?  Now, Jakarta and its people are a part of me.

Fi Fang and Deeba
 at Christmas

Me and the Drivers - Protectors

Maria!  

A thank you dinner for Iden, my apprentice,
and Ghofire, my driver - we went to Potato head!

I will never forget this experience and hope it is a door opening to additional opportunities in this city that I have come to enjoy.  And if not, well....I will just have to start taking my bi-annual vacations in here - in Jakarta (and bali, too!  :)

The Year of the Dragon!

HAPPY NEW YEAR !!! Or as is said in Indonesia:

Kionghee...... Kiongkee...... Xin Nian Kuai Le.... (This year will be better) Wishing You and Your Family Happiness, Good Fortune and Prosperity in the Lunar New Year....... God Bless You. It is the year of the Water Dragon!  How wonderful.  Yesterday was the Spring Equinox and the beginning of the Chinese New Year.    In Indonesia, women are trying to have a baby because of the luck that is found in the year of the dragon.  C-razy!  Right?  Well, perhaps not.  There may be some credibility to this idea of bringing forth a wee soul this year. water dragon ©StudioDeeba The Chinese consider themselves descendants of the dragon.  China has influence and affluence in Indonesia.  A lot of my friends are of both Indonesian and Chinese heritage.  A beautiful people.  The Water Dragon carries the serenity of water with it, making it a more tempered dragon.  It is said that the strongest yang appears in its calmest form.  What does this mean to the average American?  It means we are ready for a good year.  Strength without aggressiveness.  It will be an exciting and energetic year and is always a good time to make change and take bold risks.  Be brave but thoughtful. Intentional but break out and do something new and fresh...be bold.  The dragon's body twists and turns, opportunities and challenges, so be prepared for a great ride! Some say it will be a good year for turning our world's economic crisis around. I sure hope so.  We could all use the luck found with this Dragon.  The Chinese Dragon is a called a "Long."  It is considered a force of good and the mythology behind this mystical creature goes back several thousand years.   There are more than 100 classic references in Chinese to "The Long."  I have been advised not to use the word dragon with the word "long" as that would not be correct, even though The Long is a Dragon.  :) It is more a snake-like body than the kind of dragon depicted in the European references.  The Chinese take great pride in their Longs and so this year has been celebrated with great anticipation and excitement.     Oh! And, I found my own little dragon crawling up the glass door to my shower!  This is the second one I have found...:)  I captured my fierce little dragon and released him in the stairwell of the 43rd floor of my hotel. What a fun experience on New Year's Day.   After I released my dragon, fireworks began.  And what a show!  I could see the flares reflected on the glass of surrounding buildings.  It was cool to see them from the top down instead of the bottom up.    I think the shutter opened after the flares but it is still a beautiful picture of New Year's Night.   Overlooking Surdiman (road) My mother is a Fire Dragon and my friend Amanda is a Dragon, as well.  They are strong, independent women who have always lived what I believe to be charmed lives.  Always ready to smile, and have a fun time. Oh how I love my dragons!   Once again, Happy New Year, my friends! ©StudioDeeba