Walking the Path of Gratitude

O-ma-gosh! I've been busy. :) And grateful. :) Work is abundant for me right now and I am so happy. Recently, my mother went back into the hospital but was out the following day. Pleurisy was what showed up on some tests and then the next day - all was clear. She's a freaking, walking miracle and I am so grateful for that. Home now, mam'ma is doing well.

I couldn't be happier for my friend/spiritual dad, Tony, who has the manuscript for his book sitting on the desk of a "somebody" who is in the business of making movies. It's such a thrill to know that he completed a "page turner" action/adventure book with a bit of a twist to it. Yay, Tony! And his beautiful wife and my dear, dear friend, Myrna, has successfully painted yet another beautiful painting. Her talent just amazes me. They had me over for Thanksgiving Holiday and we had a wonderful time.

This time of year just pulls it out of me. Creativity, love, laughter and joy. I feel like it all radiates out beyond myself and I am both touched and inspired by those around me.

My clientele has changed a bit from the people who want perfection but aren't willing to pay for it to the people who understand what art and craftsmanship is about. Attached are a few photos of some successful projects that are a result of this understanding. I am so relieved to have these clients in my life right now because, instead of managing control issues and fears, I can stay focused on what I do best, which is bringing the beauty forward, honoring the client's vision. :)

And so, I am walking my path with all these thoughts of gratitude in my heart and a smile on my face.   I look at what I have and how I am blessed and I can't help but let it come forward...thank you...thank you...thank you, with each step, I say, "thank you."    :)

Signs and Messengers

As I sit down and think of what I wish to write, I am conscious of the fact that my mam'ma has been in surgery for quite a few hours. A quadruple bi-pass. SURPRISE! Who knew? Totally unexpected and urgent. I've yet to hear anything. 3500 miles away. Or is it 4200? Oh, the conundrums for the dyslexic.

Just an hour ago I engaged in my morning ritual of driving to my favorite coffee shop for a cup of breakfast tea. I wind through my neighborhood of Rancho Santa Fe. The roads are beautiful and serene. It is the perfect start to any day, including this one of such serious and sober thought and prayers for my mother. Upon my return, I received a sign from the Universe. "What?" you might ask. If you have a minute, keep reading and I will explain.

Long ago - like twenty years or so - I was seeing a psychologist - the reason doesn't matter for this story. I was asked, in the comfort of her office, if I could be a an animal, which one would I prefer to be. I said, "The Blue Heron or the White Crane." When asked to support my choice I said, "They're majestic, powerful and although able to fly, remain close to the ground, but just high enough not to be bothered." Gosh, I remember this so clearly. Says alot about me, doesn't it? Attached, to my family, but just far enough out of reach. Engaged in long-term relationships, but never fully committed. Hmmm....Run my own studio, but have no employees, have tons of friends, but they're all married and very involved in their own lives (I will have to reflect on this at a later time).

Anyway, I digress. Ever since that session, whenever there is impending change in my life or a milestone of achievement (change), the Blue Heron or the White Crane show up in my life. And I mean SHOW UP. For instance, once a white crane flew over the hood of my car as I was attempting entry to the freeway. Roughly 15-20 miles an hour. It hovered over my car for the length of the on-ramp and then some. I never increased my speed, but just slowed enough to have us remain in tandem as long as was possible. It was incredibly beautiful and meaningful. You see, it was the day I lost my job at Modern Postcard. Change.

Another time, I was driving down a Carlsbad street only to have to come to a full stop, put on my blinkers and direct traffic around a grey heron, standing in the middle of the road. Taller than myself. It waited for me as I directed traffic around our situation. And then we walked to the curb. It hopped up, and I stepped up (my arms wide and in the air). Calm and in sync. No fear. Just one creature helping another. I gently walked my friend onto the grassy hillside overlooking the Batiquitos Lagoon where it slowly picked its way to the edge overlooking the water and quietly, ever so quietly and naturally, took flight. Sinking low over the water and the grasses. Mystical, really. I felt blessed. This was the day that I had won the bid for my first faux painting job, which set the pace for an 8 year career.

Another? Yes, I have more. Many more. All marking change and growth. These majestic birds flying next to my car or in front of my car or showing up in the river beds (which in California look like creeks with reeds and tall grasses instead of running waters) next to me as I walk. Fear is never a part of the experience, and they are so very close to me - usually within a foot.

This morning upon my return home, driving down the winding little roads, I went around a curve at about 20 miles an hour and there, heading straight for me was a blue heron. HUGE, blue heron. And just when I thought it was going to hit the windshield of my car, it veered off to my left, exposing its belly and legs all cranked up underneath. Grace was involved in this meneuver. 45 degree angle, for sure. It landed on a branch in one of the huge eucalyptus trees that shade the riverbed. I couldn't help but think it, too, had gone home after its morning ritual. As this friend and I were making our connection, the song playing on the radio was, "Closing Time" by Semisonic. I pulled over and took note.

I can't help but wonder what the message/sign is from my spiritual friend. What the change is. Will my mom be okay? Is she still going to hang around for awhile and fill the rooms of her home with her magnificent presence? I would miss her so much if it were her time to close up and leave. Then again, maybe I'm being told all is well, she came through it just fine and life will change a bit. Perhaps in healthier choices and ways of being. My mother has this innate ability to influence and bring anyone along for the ride of her life. She is powerful, opinionated (sure. who isn't at 69?) and strong. I think these qualities are incredible ones to have and are an asset, increasing her beauty.

I sit a little taller when I think of my mom. Stand stronger. I embody her when I need to stand up for myself or cross confrontation. I think to myself, "WWJD - What Would Jackie Do?" And then proceed. I am me, because of her. Gratitude rings through my heart...even for the arguments and the moments of painful truth...who better to deliver than one's mother? Never. And I mean, never, have I questioned her love for me.

Here's to my mom, may she be okay, and come out of surgery with the opportunity to extend her exciting life. And here's to my friendly, soulful birds. My messengers of change...thanks for keeping in touch. And here's to my sisters, we'd better stick to the wagon of better health 'cause I want you to hang around for a long time! Love you all. Deeba.

Walking the path of creativity

Last weekend I woke up early, packed up my chalk, a pillow, a flat dolly and water and drove to the annual sidewalk chalk art event in Carlsbad, CA, known as ArtSplash.

As I made my way down the long street, Armada Drive, by LegoLand, I remembered that last year I had vowed not to participate again. Hard on the body. Two days of glaring sun. Sitting on hot tar. Creating a three dimensional image with accurate perspective while crawling around the square (or scooting around on a dolly). Tough on the back, the hands and knees.

However, this year, I walked with a bit of excitement in my stride. I hadn't made up my mind on what I was to paint (in chalk). I was going back and forth between several designs, but felt I wanted to do it in black and white (I was the only artist who didn't use color). I asked for a small square this year 5'x2.5'. Last year: 8'x8'....too much for one little artist. As I sifted through the crowd already gathering, I made my way to the registration tent. The excitement started to grow from within. I could feel a certain amount of confidence (my fifth year) and joy about being out with hundreds of people, sharing the experience of art and creativity.

I spoke to would-be artists, parents, kids, anyone who stopped by to view my work. People would stand for minutes at a time, as if entranced by the magic transpiring on the street. Talented artists laid chalk to tar in an effort to create life-like images. Successful with their endeavors, the artists continued with pride and confidence. And for some, amazement at their own achievement. Colored dust gently danced across the surface as artisans blew and rubbed their chalk pastels into masterpieces for the endless parade of families to experience.

Joy, laughter and conversation rose up over the crowd and carried east on the ocean breeze from the west coastline. Every now and then I would have to stand, sip some water, brush my hair out of my face and chalk from my cheeks. It would be at this time that I would look west over the flower fields to the water - so bright - so blue - and thank the Universe for the experience of sharing my gifts, my talent. These are hard times for everyone (myself included) and to take two days out of the stress of managing affairs, just two days to create something for others, well, it makes everything else worth enduring.

As people stopped to talk about the piece I was drawing, I would share the importance of the program, their participation and the excitement of fund-raising for such a worthy cause. It was a way to say thanks for coming out and supporting this endeavor. Funds were also raised through silent auctions. I created a hand painted clock this year that was auctioned off for about $120. Yay! Three birds with instruments on their way to play. Many beautiful clocks, skim boards and painted chairs brought in lots of money! And those who won the bids walked away with affordable, original artwork, forever marking an annual event for their community and for the arts.

And such talent! Young artists, old artists, quiet and bold. Designs of such beauty! Tradition is to honor The Masters, but some break out and reveal creations of great invention and intriguing perspective. Each artist experiencing the pressure, the beautiful pressure, of performing before an audience. Of working out one's psyche - the battle - the tug and pull of perspective and proportion - and the surrender, eventually finding the sweet spot of allowing the artwork to just happen. It's an incredible dance between the artist, the image and the audience viewing, sometimes helping with advice, to get the artwork to be the best that it can be.

At 3:00 pm Sunday afternoon, I packed up my stuff, said goodnight to the spirit of ArtSlplash and limped to my car with a smile on my chalked-up face, a joy in my big heart. I could already hear next year calling me. With each step I released my image, knowing that everything was to be washed off the pavement by early morning light. Just in time for the cars to roll down Carlsbad's beautiful Armada Drive. It gave me a strange sense of release, perhaps only an artist can relate to....

Yup, I'll be back. To do it all over again. I wonder what image I will conjure up for next year's event.:)

Monkey Business

Recently, I spoke to an old boyfriend who is becoming a new "guy"friend. Well he has this saying, "It's all a bunch of monkey business." His phrase when exasperated or trying to calm down his kids: "Stop that monkey business!"

I've started using the phrase. Much to my surprise. I use it when describing the rules we make for ourselves. For instance, I'm just not so sure about all this "monkey business" with religion, politics, workplace. Sit down, stand up, pray for this, don't ask for that. Oh, you have to behave this or that way to get accepted. Chant this way, worship that way. The actions of our politicians discussing our health care issues, pushing through bills. Scandalous monkey business.

Just a bunch of monkey business. War: Monkey business. Hate: Monkey business. Anger: Monkey Business. Aggressive defense: Monkey business. Intentional suffering and pain: Monkey Business. Greed: Monkey Business.

I can keep going but am bored with all this ... monkey business. oy!

Old friends, New friends, Golden and Blue friends

Recently. I started to contact friends from my past. I don't know. Maybe it's because some of my old friends have passed on. Maybe it's because of the lumps and bumps my doctor keeps excising from my body. Life moving quickly...tic toc, and all that jazz.

I do think it's important to talk about our power to effect/affect. To acknowledge and appreciate the selfless acts of friendship. So much can happen with a few words or actions...an experience...a look exchanged with joy, sadness or just knowing. And, because we're busy or uncomfortable, we don't acknowledge and appreciate the magic occurring. "Never to be squandered, the miracle of another human being." Perhaps we're not meant to because then it all becomes weird. Uncomfortable.

Nevertheless, I began calling, looking up on the Internet and talking with those who might help me find others. It's been interesting. The process. Easier than I thought. Which, having been raised with George Orwellian stories of the seventies, is not that comforting. We are all so "available," now. I'm not sure I like that. Which is why I am anonymous, somewhat, on this blog. But, I digress.

It has been fun talking with people from over twenties years past. Children have been raised, careers defined and marriages either dissolved or still going strong. I prefer the "going strong" message as it appeals to my romantic nature and belief in the power of love.

For me, friendship has been one of the strongest threads running through the blanket of my life. Perhaps it is because I've not married or because I'm romantic. But whatever the reason, I know that I am the happy and fun woman/artist of today because of my friends, past and present. They have marked moments of change and growth. For this, I am grateful. My goal ,before I leave this planet, is to let them know. It is my hope that I am touching the hearts of those who have left already and that they know they meant something...to someone....without even trying.

:)

Wuv, true wuv?

This past weekend was a whirlwind of love (wuv). Two dear friends' daughters were each marrying the love of their lives. ;) I wink because these couples are very young. They were getting married; same day, same time. Saturday night was hot. I was in a full length halter dress (the '70's are back enforce in fashion). And I had to carry a fan to keep me cool. It's an antique....nice compliment to the outfit.

The first wedding was being held in San Juan Capistrano at a beautiful church, as well, the wedding. Celtic song in string and harp, singers, the bride (oh my!), the groom (reow!). Families, love, joy, whispers and grace. Bowing of heads and hearts. Celebration for two. Love and light in the dimly lit sanctuary. Pastries and joy awaiting the witnesses after. The bride, a petite and beautiful soul in a stunning dress. Beads, as if a belt, hung low on her size - 2 hips. She was perfection in action. And her groom was tall and handsome. Distinguished with happiness around the edges. His attire showing off the big shoulders that will carry their dreams, hopes and desires to fruition. So beautiful, these two, who are now these "one."

Driving back from this experience, I was impressed with the tradition and strong threads of love from which the bride and groom were composed.

Upon my return to Rancho Santa Fe, I witnessed joy and laughter. Dancing. The singing of hearts, old and young; the embracing of bride and groom with greetings of happiness: "So glad you could make it!" Charm was in the air! The reception was being held in the back yard, poolside, garden-side of a small mansion-like home. A home where I live, renting the cassita (pool-house) which, because I am French, I call my cottage - it looks like one inside. These are my landlords and friends. I was happy to see such beautiful joy occurring outside my door!

Glass jars harboring light were hanging from trellises and in trees...twinkling soft and bright simultaneously. Music. Dance floor. Floating candles in the pool, white, brown and green flowers and plants spilled in abundance across tables, foot paths and patio. The bride in a dress that tumbled to her feet...the word aplomb comes to mind. Spilling around her tiny hips and down toward the floor. The groom's charm, more his attire than the suit he wore. Happiness was everywhere.

Okay, waxing and waning, I am. But, give me some slack. Never been, you know. I give these young couples a wink and nod for their courage and belief in their love and their ability to be together. Their commitment to "give it go." :)

Is the grass greener? I don't know. Oh, I hear it's a lot of work. But, on this side of the fence...the single side of living... it's kind of boring (notice in photo, I'm taking a pic of myself...no one to do it for me). I'm a true believer in love and marriage, just timid. Looking. Waiting. Soon.

My thoughts and well wishes go to these brave couples and their parents, my friends. Love and joy to you all.

I accept!

I accept! the challenge before me. I just finished painting a landscape in the ever so popular (out here in So-Cal) impressionistic style. That was yesterday. The day before, 3 suns. Today, I am painting an abstract. Three days ago, I painted a miniature ensemble. Whenever I experience anyone else's work, I first acknowledge the fact that the artist said, "I can do this! I accept" A fearless approach with brush in hand results in courage on canvas. :) Later amigos.